Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
