I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Drunk is a universal language darling
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
PANTIES FOUND
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