I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
