and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
