The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
