I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It's shark week go big or go home
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
