I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
