imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
