And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Actions speak louder than pants.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize