ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
