Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
