last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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