dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
