i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
