i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
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If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
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Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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