so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
