it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
