We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
