I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize