Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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