I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
