The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
