how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
