The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
