the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
