also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
