I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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