What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
