She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
