Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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