I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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