That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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