I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
