Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
