I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
