I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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