I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
