Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
