It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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