I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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