I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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