Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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