I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
