Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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