At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
