He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
