just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
