i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
