everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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