drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Send help, water and tortillas.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
