your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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