I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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