Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
false alarm, still single
Randomize
