This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
