If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
