ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
