watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
