I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
