Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
