she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
