OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
