What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
