ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
