also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
