remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
