Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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