I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
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