Soap is not a condiment
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
