I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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