You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
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This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
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drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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