I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize