these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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