are you still at the devil's house?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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