Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I got chris browned last night
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
