This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
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You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
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Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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