hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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